So over the last few weeks I have been following a blog about a little girl who is the exact same age, give or take a day or 2, as Liviana. This little 2 year old is at the end of her battle with cancer. Infact 2 nights ago her mom had her sisters tell her goodbye and sent them to her mother's house because they didn't think little Layla would make it through the night. She is still fighting though. Layla has rocked my world. I was reading the other night about some regrets that her mom had with her and as I sat at my computer BAWLING, I was completely convicted and then it quickly turned to thanks that my babies are healthy and I have time to change and love the little "inturruptions", while I cooking or whatever, that once made me angry. I don't know how many times I have thought, said outloud, said to others or even said to the girls such as these...
"Go watch the movie, Mommy is trying to work."
"I can't wait till naptime"
"Thank you for trying to help but Mommy will do it now"
"No, Mommy will stir it we have to hurry."
"No, we are only reading 1 book tonight."
Now I know that I am not a bad mom for saying these things once in awhile but it was almost getting routine, becoming my 'reflex' answer. Why can't I take a break and snuggle to watch the movie? Why can't she help stir the brownie mix?? Will it hurt me to spend 5 more minutes before bedtime to read 1 more story? I have decided enough is enough.
If you don't know me and you are reading this you may be thinking, "WOW! What is wrong with this lady??" But I don't think I am the only mom who has felt like this. Right?? I mean, surely??? So here I am laying it out there for everyone else who thinks they may be the only ones... You aren't the only ONE! There may be only 2 of us, LOL! But you aren't the only one!
Here is my new resolve, a new mommy.
I LOVE my girls and I don't ever want to take them for granite. NEVER, EVER take the for granite.Since I have 3 little helpers; I love that it takes me an hour to unload and load the dishwasher, I love that my white socks are pink because a red shirt was thrown in, I love crunching an egg shell in my waffles. (Ok, maybe not love, but you know what I mean :) I promise to hold them when they ask, no matter the task I am in the mist of. Too soon they won't want to be held. I will charish EVERY waking moment with my girls. I will take more time for playing games, dressing up and having teaparties. Cleaning can wait, sewing can wait, God knows FaceBook can wait. I don't want to regret a single day when I could have spent just 5 more min with the girls.
I know, I know, some of you are thinking well you need mommy time, you need mommy/daddy time. I know this! :) Trust me. There is time for it all, just all too often I find myself WASTING time that could be spent wisely.
SO I am rambling now... But here is the bottom line. What if something happened to my girls? Would I have regrets on how I spent my time with them? Will I question the importance of putting that load of laundry in RIGHT then when someone was pulling at my pant to show me the fort they built? Will I wonder if the bathtub needed to be scrubbed right that second when she wanted to play hide and seek? Will I cancel my FB because I am so mad at myself for needing to catch up on what everyone else was doing when they wanted me to sit with them and read a book?
This sweet Layla Grace has helped put my importants into a new clear and unwavering view.
God, I thank you for sweet Layla, I thank you that in the short time she is spending here on earth she has touched more lives, including my own, than most of us do in 80 years. I ask that you would give her family, her momma, an amazing, undeniable peace that passes everyone's understanding. I thank you that my babies are all healthy and happy. I refuse to take them for granite and above all I thank you that you choose me to raise up 3 beautiful women who will change the world around them through You.
Love you guys! I know I normally won't be the sobby but today my heart is breaking for the momma of this little girl.
Britanie
